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[Monday
November 30th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Garnet |
] |
It is not easy living in a house where everyone else has such a sensitivity to sugar and caffeine. For days after, it means that I'm getting far less sleep than I need. Thinking straight is not my strong point right now, so please excuse any lack of sense that I make.
Thanksgiving was a big success, so I can't complain too much. I'm feeling a little more optimistic about things this holiday season, so I'm hoping that feeling sticks around. Getting Rafiq off to school when he's reluctant to go is always painful, but I'm not moping about it so much today. I know he'll be fine. It's hard to admit to myself, but I have to. It's tough for him, and will be for probably the foreseeable future, but it's getting easier, if only a little. I still tense up every time the phone rings, but I'm getting quite used to that.
Tomorrow I'm going to give Christmas shopping a try, all by myself. I don't like going out alone anymore, but I have to work on my own recovery as well. This way I can get things done that I want to keep secret. I hope I can get it all done at once. Working myself up to this is difficult enough. Doing it again isn't something I'm sure I can do. We'll see.
I get the dubious pleasure of working on Doug's stocking for this Christmas, and it's been very tempting to take Mikel's suggestions. I'm trying to be nice about it and not do so, but it's tough. Finding things to stuff in the stocking of a grown man isn't exactly the easiest task in the world. But I suspect that Mikel's gift to him will be bad enough, so I'm going to make it as painless as I can for him. That's the plan right now, anyway. Plans do change, after all.
I think I'll leave it there. Garnet is begging for my attention, and it will hopefully keep her distracted from the cookies, pie, and other things that are still miraculously sitting around here. I'll see if I can distract her with a game or movie. It's worth a try, anyway.
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[Friday
November 13th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Amber "suggesting" lunch |
] |
Time really flies, doesn't it? It's already the middle of November. That's hard for me to believe. Thanksgiving and Christmas are both looming, and I need to try and get into the right mindset for them. I could use a little more time for that, but that's how it goes.
Things have been all right. Rafiq's gotten more into the swing of things with school, although he still has days he just can't bring himself to go. He ended up with the flu when it was going around here, and it started out pretty bad, but he recovered fairly quickly. It was harder for him to go back to school after some time off for that, but we got him going again. I suppose I should say that Amber got him going again. I just can't bring myself to be stern about it still. Pretty sad, isn't it?
Things have been slightly tense at school because of the boys that have decided that Rafiq and Sonny are good targets for their "fun," but they seem to be more cautious after the fight with Ramon. He made his point with them when they ambushed him, and so they've been holding back from doing much of anything. From what I understand, they move away when Ramon comes near, which is at least partly because the school told them to stay away from him and the others. I'm sure they're also wary of Ramon after his kicking of their asses, so hopefully that will keep them at bay completely. I suppose we'll find out. I'd rather know for sure that they're not going to pull shit, but there's no way of knowing that. At least I can feel secure in the fact that if they try anything with Rafiq that he's competent enough to fight back. Mikel's always been very good at making sure the kids know how to defend themselves. He's useful in many ways. He still hangs out around the school during the day, and intends to do so as long as Rafiq finds it helpful. Considering the temperatures lately, I'm sure it can't be any picnic to be outside for so long, but he's determined to do it. At least the cold doesn't affect him all that much. If we get snow like we did last year, we'll see how it goes. There's no pulling him away from it, though. He's too stubborn to let a little thing like Mother Nature keep him from his goals.
At least I do have work to keep my mind distracted from all of the things that want to form there while Rafiq isn't near me. My boss has been very good at keeping projects coming my way. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he's taking advantage of me. However, he knows me well enough to know that I need the distraction, and it just happens to benefit the company as well. It's a win/win situation.
Amber's telling me I need to eat some lunch, so I suppose I should do that. Far be it from me to argue with a Denny about anything regarding food. If she wasn't constantly making sure I don't go without, I'd probably be about fifty pounds lighter right now. See how lucky I am?
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[Monday
September 28th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The TV |
] |
I don't really feel like doing this, but I'm not sure I'll feel any more up to it before the deadline, so I'll get it over with.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately. Maybe I'm just having a hard time adjusting to having Rafiq gone at school during the week. I think we're both just having a tough time with it, although I'm glad that he's managing to make it to school most days. Monday is the hardest day for him since he's been away for two days, but everyday is a struggle. As for me, I find myself going through brief moments of panic when he's not here. It's like I forget for a moment that he's at school and have to take a moment to get my own bearings because he's not where I can see him. I hate having him gone because I can't see him. I know he's safe, and that Mikel is still around watching after him at school, but that doesn't always help. I just want him with me all the time, as selfish as I'm sure that is.
I have been trying to concentrate on things like Christmas, but that gets hard sometimes. I browse online for gift ideas and have even made some progress, but all I end up thinking more about how nice it will be for Rafiq to be on winter break so I can watch him. Pathetic, aren't I?
Work should be picking up here soon, so that will probably help. My boss says that he has something in the works for me and there will be a tight deadline, so that should keep me preoccupied. Work usually helps me keep my head on straight, and so maybe I won't be feeling as crazy as I feel. I'm probably driving everyone a little bit nuts myself, so it should be a relief all around.
All right, enough of that. I'm going to get a glass of water and check on the kids and then try to unwind. Maybe it'll even work.
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[Wednesday
September 2nd, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Amber moving around |
] |
Day number two of high school.
Rafiq managed to go yesterday. Amber said that we'd drive him to the school and see where it went from there. We parked out front after going early so he could spend time thinking about it, and the entire thing was tearing him up. Yes, I just wanted to let him stay home and miss another year and be home schooled. Amber insisted we at least try, because he'd hate himself if he just gave up so easily. She was right, I know that, but it didn't make it any easier. I don't feel like I'm much good for him these days because I wouldn't push him to challenge himself. I wimped out myself, because I don't want to see him go through anything else. But I guess not doing it is going through something too. I'm just not the best parent for this sort of thing. Maybe I'm not the best parent for anything. I don't know anymore.
While he did go, he didn't manage to do it without incident. He couldn't manage to sit completely through any of his classes, although he managed to at least briefly attend each of them. The shortest time he stayed was less than five minutes, but by the end of the day he managed nearly half an hour. I guess he kept going to look out the door to make sure that Mikel was still around. Mikel at least can make him feel safe. I'm glad of that because it helps both of them. It can't have been a very fun time for Mikel to be out there for hours, but he stuck with it and said that he'll continue to do it as long as Rafiq wants him to. I'm very grateful for his dedication and help.
Rafiq has permission not to take any PE classes, which is a shame since he always loved PE. That's no surprise, I'm sure. But he can't handle the interaction there anymore, so he's exempt. I don't know if that will improve or not. I hope that it does. But that one step at a time thing has to be enforced here, and it's just tough as hell.
It's going to be difficult to get Rafiq to go again today, I'm sure. It'll probably be that way for a few days, at least. But Dr. Ashby says it will get easier, even if it takes some time. There might well be days Rafiq won't get out of the car, but other days will be easier. He'll get stronger with time. I have faith in him, but it's hard as hell to have to watch and I can't be stern about any of it. I pretty much fail at all of this. It's good thing he's got Amber as his other parent, because one of us has to be strong. I know I'm sure as hell not.
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[Saturday
August 29th, 2009] |
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mood |
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way fucking beyond worried |
] |
What a day. And it's not even close to over.
Rafiq is having a major anxiety attack today. He's panicking about school, and having a very difficult time with the entire idea. I don't know how to deal with this. He insisted several times when he decided he wanted to go back to school that we not let him get out of it, even if he begs, but how can I make him do it? Just watching him worries the hell out of me. When he's not sitting and staring out the window, he's pacing around frantically and talking to himself under his breath. His hands are shaking and he jumps at every noise. Firecracker licked his hand not long ago and I thought he was going to jump out of his skin.
I don't know if I can keep the promise I made to make him go. Not when he's like this. I've never been good at the firm hand thing, and I don't know if it's warranted in this situation. I'm so fucking lost about the whole thing.
I'm going to call Dr. Ashby first thing Monday morning and see if he can give us some advice. It might just be that Rafiq stays home another year. If he has to skip the entire rest of high school and be home schooled, we're prepared for that, but I don't know if it's the right thing. He's so obsessed with being a "normal" kid, but so afraid to take the steps he wants to take to get there.
I feel like such a fucking failure as a parent right now. Maybe that's not the right way to feel, but I can't help it. He needs something, and I don't know what to give him. I need him to be all right. He needs him to be all right.
Why the fuck do things like this have to happen?
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[Friday
August 14th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Amber trying to get Markez to calm down. Good luck. |
] |
I'll take Rafiq's not so veiled hint and make my post now. He's always looking out for me these days.
It's been a decent couple of weeks. Last week with Shawn here was enjoyable. It was almost like before things changed. All it needed was the third member of the trio to complete it. It's too bad that couldn't have happened. Maybe someday. I hope so, anyway. I know Rafiq misses him.
It's finally beginning to feel settled here at the new house. It's always strange getting used to new places, but there's enough of a mark made by the kids here now that it feels like home. There's nothing like a little Markez to make a house a home. We've been trying to get some strange concoction scrubbed off of one of the basement windows for a couple of days now, and it's coming off, but slowly. I don't even want to know what it was. We asked Markez the first day, and he just grinned and ran off. So yes, I probably want to remain clueless in the matter.
We're all glad the weather has cooled down quite a bit, unless you count Doug. I suppose that one goes without saying, though. It's nice to have a break from it, even if chances are it will return. I only hope it won't be as hot as before. We can stick to the eighties and I'll be happy.
I think I'm almost as nervous as Rafiq is for school to start. I'm going to be keeping my phone close and jumping each time it rings. I keep telling myself he'll be fine, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. But he'll have friends there to help him out, and that means a lot, I'm sure. If no one he knew were going, I'd be more worried. I'm very glad that he has that support system as well as a school that's very willing to work with us on this. That relieves a lot of the worry and pressure for all of us.
All right, that's about all I have to say, I guess. I'm a little tired, and my knee is aching somewhat, so I'm going to go put my feet up. A hot bath might be in order as well, but we'll see. That feels like an awful lot of effort at the moment.
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[Friday
July 31st, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The refrigerator door closing |
] |
I'm cutting this closer than usual, but I managed to make it. I fell asleep on the couch and Amber woke me up to remind me about this. The heat has about worn me out lately, and so has the level of activity, not that I've been partaking as much, but it's more than I usually do with my knees the way they are.
It's nice to have central air, I'll say that. I feel bad for those who don't have it. Walking into Gayle's house can feel like walking into a sauna at times, and the fans there don't help all that much. It also doesn't help that a lot of people are usually there at any given time. I know Mikel was making noises about possibly getting another wall air conditioner to replace the one there that isn't working. Hopefully they can do that.
As Rafiq mentioned, his friend Shawn will be coming up soon. We're actually paying for a plane ticket up instead of driving there. It seemed more convenient, and he was excited at the idea of his first plane flight. I'm sure he'll have fun. Rafiq is very happy about having him come. It's too bad that his friend Alan can't come up, but Alan's parents are way too fucking overprotective. It was like we needed FBI clearance just to invite him over for dinner back home. The poor kid has to feel very damn stifled. I understand feeling protective of your kids, these days more than ever, but it doesn't do any good to hold them back from everyone.
All right, I think I'm going to get some real sleep now. I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes open.
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[Sunday
June 14th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Yelling, mostly |
] |
So now that Rafiq has reminded me five or six times about this, and I have a few minutes to spare, I'll get it done. It's not the last day, even. Maybe I'll slowly start backing up as we go along.
Life's been busy, obviously. And rather messy the past few days. We're going to have to give a major cleaning to a couple of the windows, I'm afraid. Some of the substances being thrown about aren't exactly that easy to wash off after they dry. That's all right, though. People are having fun, and that's a good thing, especially these days.
We're going to be working on bringing some things up here from home over the summer. I'm not sure how well that will work, although Topaz has volunteered to pack up what we want and perhaps have the movers send it. I don't really want to put her to that much work, however. Things have been busy enough for her, and not in a good way lately. We might just take a trip down there to do the bulk of it ourselves. It would be good for the kids to see their friends, anyway. We're toying with the idea of Rafiq's friend Shawn coming up, but I'm not sure. It largely depends on how things go around here. It's not exactly the best environment to bring someone into, especially a kid. However, we might be able to take some precautions and make it safer. I hope so, because Rafiq misses his friends a lot, and our only chance at getting one up here lies with Shawn. It might just help Rafiq to come around a little more.
I also want to talk to Rafiq about perhaps taking a vacation for a week or two this summer. Everyone else will be up to it, I know, but I'm not sure if Rafiq is ready to take that step. We might be able to manage somewhere that he's not going to feel inundated with people, so we'll have to look into it. It might be nice to rent a place on the beach somewhere or something. We all like the ocean, so that would be nice. If we find a place isolated enough from others, it could be pretty peaceful. We could all use that. I'll have to talk to a couple of people. I know at least a couple who can possibly help.
Now that dinner's ready, I'm going to eat and then hopefully relax. We'll see how well that goes. There's still a lot to do, even with all of the help we've been getting.
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[Sunday
May 31st, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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It's a quiet night, believe it or not |
] |
Now that I've gotten up for the fifth time to check on Rafiq, and find myself unable to fall back to sleep, here I am. At least I remembered. It's been so busy and chaotic that I'm lucky I did.
We've been in our new house for a few days now, and it's difficult to get used to. Our own house is larger than this, but there's much more stuff in it, so it seems all the bigger. I'm feeling a little like Rafiq when it comes to the size. I'd gotten used to having all of the people shoved into one place. I'm sure we'll get used to it soon enough, but for now it feels massive and unnerving.
We still have to get a few more things to get, but other than that, we're pretty set. It's strange getting new furniture and all that, knowing we have our own back home. We're still talking about possibly making a permanent move up here, but we'll see. It's certainly tempting. It used to feel safer, but right now it's not feeling very safe at all. I suppose that's only natural.
I do have to fly home in the next week or two to have a face to face meeting with my boss. It's nothing serious, just a meeting we have once or twice a year to discuss progress and things coming up. He's fine with my staying up here and working, and even if we decide to move here, I can telecommute without a problem. I love working there, so I'd hate to have to give it up.
I don't think there's much else to say. I'm not exactly thinking my best at this time of night. I think I'll check on Rafiq again and then get a bite to eat before trying to sleep again. Wish me luck.
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[Thursday
April 30th, 2009] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Alyce running out the door for about the fiftieth time today |
] |
There I go, pushing the envelope again. I might be permanently in this state. I suppose we'll see.
We spent the morning working out the details of renting a house. It looks like it's going to happen. Tomorrow we make everything final, and then we can start moving in. It should be interesting. We don't have a lot here to move, at least, but we will have to eventually get some stuff up here from home or the place is going to look very bare. As it is, we're going to have to deal with the furniture situation, because we at least need some right off. We'll probably go deal with that this weekend so we can move in next week. We'll see how that goes.
This is one of those times that I'm grateful I can telecommute. It's very useful not to have to deal with things like Topaz has to. I don't have to go any further than the table to do what I need to do. I don't envy her returning to work since she'll be alone there again. It's got to be a little lonely. She does what she has to do, though. The kids need her, and she's going to be there for them. It's one of those things I really admire about her. I can't imagine how many kids would have had it so much worse if it weren't for her.
Mother's Day is almost here, and I need to take the kids out shopping soon for it. That should be quite a trip. It's always interesting to see what the kids pick for their mother. We'll probably go this weekend. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for dealing with taking Markez shopping. That's always an adventure. I might see if I can talk Mikel into going with us. With my knees the way they are, I sure as hell can't keep up with the kid, and he's always running off to do/see one thing or another. Even if I could keep up with him, I'd be reluctant to try since taking Rafiq out in public means I need to stick with him so he feels secure. Add Garnet to the mix and I'm not sure I could manage it alone even with my knees in top shape. It makes me want a nap just thinking about it.
I must be getting old.
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[Wednesday
April 15th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Alyce talking |
] |
It's after midnight, and I'm not a bit tired. I usually at least start to drag by now, but apparently my body has decided to do things differently today. That's all right. It's not like I have to be up at any particular time in the morning.
I sat in with Rafiq for awhile before he went to sleep. He's been doing quite a bit better since April started, which makes me feel better. We've taken to talking before he goes to sleep, with the goal of hopefully staving off any bad dreams he might have. It works quite a bit, I'm happy to say. It didn't so much last month, but that's understandable.
We've narrowed down our search for rental houses a little. There are a couple that are only two or three miles from here that are nice enough and big enough to accommodate us along with anyone we might take in. We're hoping to have it all figured out here soon so that we can get moved. It's hard to say what will happen since we've had some fall through, mainly due to the pet issue, but we'll see how it goes. At least we don't have too much to actually move right now. We don't want to go much farther from everyone, considering that Rafiq feels a sense of security with everyone, and taking him too far away from them might shatter those feelings.
I think I'm going to go make some hot chocolate and do a little work. I might as well be productive if I'm going to be awake awhile. It does pay the bills, after all.
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[Tuesday
March 31st, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Thunder |
] |
Lord, what a month. I'm very grateful that this is the last day of March, and hoping that April is at least two hundred percent better. It's weird how thinking that one more day might make the difference, but I guess you hold onto what hope you can.
What an ironic time for thunder to pass over us. It's a good thing I'm not superstitious in any way. This rain is getting very dismal, however. I'll be glad when it stops coming around so much. Maybe some consistently sunny and warm weather would help with certain moods.
Rafiq has been distracting himself fairly well the past few days by helping out. With Markez so sick and clingy, he's been pitching in quite a bit. I think maybe the encroaching end of the month has helped him out as well. It's weird sometimes what a person's mental state will do with something so ordinary.
Markez, as people can see from his latest post, has gotten to be quite dramatic the past day or so. He's feeling better, although he's still pretty damn sick. I'm not looking forward to seeing how he releases all that pent up energy when he's better. Sure as anything, he's storing it up to terrorize us with.
Another roll of thunder, so I'm going to get off of here. I don't want to take any chances with my computer.
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[Sunday
March 15th, 2009] |
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mood |
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worried |
] |
This is going to be the extent of my entry for this two week period. I have to deal with Rafiq and also sort some things out for myself, if that's at all possible. I'm sure everyone understands.
Thank you.
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[Saturday
February 28th, 2009] |
| [ |
music |
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Jimi Hendrix -Purple Haze |
] |
Now that I have a minute to sit down, I'll get to this. We've been running around all day doing things that need to be done, including trying to deal with a more precocious than usual (yes, it's possible. Color me surprised) Markez. The boy is just insisting on getting into trouble, and has very selective hearing today. No matter how many times we call him or tell him to do something, he just can't seem to hear it. I hope this is just a unique occurrence and doesn't go on past today. It's times like this that locking him in a closet is tempting. Unfortunately, soundproof closets are hard to come by. Amber's actually considering calling Topaz to see if she can scare a little sense into the kid. Markez tends to listen to her more often than not. Mikel would be ideal since he's got the right touch with Markez, but that's not going to work right now.
Rafiq, on the other hand, has been rather quiet today. I'm guessing this has something to do with the dream he told me he had the other night. He's trying so hard not to let it affect him, but it's not easy. I know this from way too much experience. I hope he gets past this hurdle soon. I hate to see him like this.
As for Garnet, she's much the same as usual, so that's at least reassuring. She's been practicing her mom skills, however. She's been scolding Markez left and right, anytime she sees him. It's funny and cute as hell. She even shakes her finger at him and purses her lips in the cute way her mother does when she's been pushed to the brink. It at least gives us something to laugh at, which is quite welcome today.
I'm almost done with my latest project at work, or at least the first draft. I'm sure there will be things that need to be changed, but we'll see how it goes. Hopefully it won't need to much adjusting, but I can manage if it does. As soon as it's set, I can get another project to work on.
All right, I'm going to go see what's up now. I sequestered myself in the bedroom to type this, and I should brave stepping out there to test the waters. Wish me luck.
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[Sunday
February 15th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Guess |
] |
Now that I've finished dinner and Rafiq has reminded me twice, I need to get this done. Time flies, especially when you have an obligation that's time sensitive. I'm sure those of you who share all of us as friends have quite a busy friends page the last couple of days of each two weeks.
Yesterday was a good day, and relatively stress free. We don't get those kinds of days very often. It was nice to have some time with just Amber and me. As much as I love my kids, sometimes it's good to have them do their own thing while we do ours. They seem to have had a good time with their grandparents, so we all came out on top.
I am a little tired today for whatever reason. Maybe after having the chance to relax yesterday, my body has decided that it's a good thing to try and keep it up. I might just have to go to bed early and try for some extra sleep. Markez needs to cooperate a little by quieting down, however. We sleep downstairs, and he likes to run around upstairs, and it sounds like a herd of elephants down there when he's doing so. Who would've thought that one kid could sound like an entire army?
This thing about Rafiq going back to school is something about which I have mixed feelings. I'm very glad that he thinks he might be ready for it, but my natural impulse is to worry about how he's going to handle it. While he does better in crowds now, he's still not completely up to par with it and gets jumpy. Hopefully that'll be better come September. We're going to discuss it with Dr. Ashby at his next appointment and see what he thinks, but I'm sure he'll tell Rafiq to do what he feels he can handle. I hope he can do this. He already feels abnormal enough as it is. This would help him immensely, I'm sure. And Jason will be going there at the same time, so he'll have someone there he knows and can connect with. They won't be sharing any of the same classes since they'll be in different grades, but Rafiq will know that Jason's there and they can meet on occasion. We're going to talk with the principal and school counselor about it so that they know there might be times that Rafiq might need to see Jason just as a familiar face so he can feel more grounded if he's having difficulties.
It's going to be very stressful for all of us for a little while, at least. Until he gets settled in and feels completely secure, I'm sure I'll be pacing the floor with my phone, just in case. Another thing we're going to discuss with the school is Rafiq keeping a cell phone with him at all times in case he needs to call me at any point. We're going to have to discuss a few arrangements, but I'm sure it'll work out. If I tell myself that enough times, I might just come to completely believe it.
I think I'm going to suggest that we put in a DVD and try watching a movie. Hopefully we can get Markez to sit down long enough for that. I wish there was some antidote for sugar out there. Sugar and caffeine both. Someone should invent that. They'd be rich.
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[Thursday
January 29th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Charlie moving around |
] |
It's too damn early. Sometimes having the Denny ability to sleep for only a few short hours and still be refreshed would be nice. No such luck here, however. But I wanted to get up early and work on a few things while no one else is up and there is still relative peace and quiet. That won't last too much longer, but at least I was able to think straight enough to deal with the problem I was having with my latest project. I think I have it fine tuned enough to go on to the next part now. Since I was already here and needed to get an update done, I thought I should go ahead and do it before I go back to bed for another two or three hours. More sleep would definitely be nice.
Things still look to be on schedule for Topaz's mother to be heading home next month. It should be right around the middle of the month, although a date hasn't been chosen yet. Topaz and Alyce will go back with her and make sure she's settled in, and she'll have a nurse and physical therapist visit her at home. She's getting along all right at the moment, although she's still supposed to take it easy. She's not supposed to walk too much, and she's certainly not supposed to carry anything. She tries, but that's not surprising. She's very stubborn.
I did get a voicemail on my phone from my brother a couple of days ago. It was just him telling me I need to call and giving me a number. I haven't returned the call yet, and I'm not sure if I will. I haven't even told Amber about it, although she'll read this and see it, so I might as well bring it up. I have no idea what my brother might want, and I'm not sure I want to find out. I have to wonder if my mother is ill, or worse, but I don't know. I'm not feeling very familial toward either one of them. It's probably wrong that I don't feel the desire to find out, but I can't help it. After her earlier treatment, I just can't muster it. I'll feel bad about that later, I'm sure. Of course, he could have said something in the message to let me know if it was something like that, but who knows with him?
All right, I need to try the sleep thing. Charlie's up now and soon the kids will be following suit. Maybe I can fall asleep before the predictable loud voices and running around.
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[Thursday
January 15th, 2009] |
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mood |
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restless |
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2009 has definitely gotten off to an interesting start. I just wish it was more of a good interesting start than a bad one. There must be karma built up somewhere for people around here that will decree an entire year of good luck for everyone. It would be nice, anyway. It doesn't look like this year is going to be the one.
We're all on pins and needles, at least to some extent, I suppose you could say. With Mikel's difficulties topped off by Bait's injuries, it just seems sometimes like we can't catch a break. We're all focusing most of our energy on Bait at the moment, hoping that he hangs on and Gayle doesn't lose him. That would be a very devastating blow to her. His accident was bad enough. I know at least in part what she's going through. Worrying for your child is distracting and takes up pretty much all of your energy. My worries for Rafiq may be of a different kind, but in the end, it's all the same. When your child hurts, no matter what has hurt them or how old that child is, it's like the world is crashing down onto you. Proof, I suppose, that life really is very unfair.
It looks like Topaz's mother might be able to return home in another month or so. She's healing up well enough, and unless something else happens, she should be going back then. She's anxious to go, and we're very anxious to send her. She doesn't usually hassle me, but I get tired of her attitude toward Mikel, especially since she's not cutting him any slack with his current mood. He's luckily not around to hear most of it, but we have to listen to snide comments and all that shit at least semi-regularly. It doesn't matter how many times we tell her off about doing it, she keeps it up. It also doesn't help that she sometimes makes comments about Markez as well since he's following at least somewhat in Mikel's footsteps. I'll just be very glad when she's gone. Everyone but Alyce will, I'm sure.
I suppose I should try getting some sleep. It hasn't been easy lately, so I should do what I can to get more. I can hope, anyway.
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[Friday
December 26th, 2008] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Take a wild guess |
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Now that it's become impossible to sleep due to the exceedingly hyper and loud Markez, punctuated by the equally hyper but not quite so loud Rafiq, I thought I might as well make a short post. I usually do all right in the morning, but having been up quite late after getting up too early on Christmas has me wanting to rent a motel room just to get some sleep.
Christmas was good. It was very good, even. As usual, it was loud and chaotic, but that's fine. It makes it seem more real then. Rafiq even handled it quite well, which pleases me greatly. He got through most of the day around everyone without having any problems. He did bow out before anyone else, but it was still a great deal of time with the crowd. I think that's a very good sign.
The day ended up getting very wild as a huge snowball fight broke out. Just about anyone who went outside got hammered, so it was a very risky venture. Only a small handful of people were exempt. I was luckily one of those because of my knee, which is more than I can say for Topaz, much to the chagrin of some. I'm sure the neighborhood was very amused by all of the antics. I won't go into detail about any of it since I'm sure one or two others would like to. I will say that it was fun to watch, at least.
I got the enjoyable luck to be the recipient of a stocking from Bullshit. He drew my name back when we did it randomly, so I was very careful about digging into it. You never know what he might do. It was interesting, to say the least. I'm sure it could have been a lot worse. I've seen past stockings given by some of these people, so I know that to be true. Some you just want to avoid drawing your name.
I suppose I'll go now and have some breakfast. If I'm lucky, the kids will go play in the snow for awhile later so I can catch a nap. It's tough sometimes being the only one in the family to not be very affected by sugar and caffeine.
I hope you all had a happy Christmas.
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[Monday
December 15th, 2008] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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The kids, of course |
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Finally I manage to get to this. This time it wasn't a case of putting it off but of being too busy with my current project to get to it. By the time I do the work I schedule myself for each day, I'm a little tired of being at the computer and so I go and do other things. Those other things tend to have to do with getting ready for Christmas, so they definitely have to come first.
Other than work and the holidays, there's really not all that much to talk about. Those things have been life for me lately. I actually do like having so much work to do since it keeps my mind occupied. These days, that's a good thing.
Markez has been rowdier than usual lately. None of you thought such a thing possible, I'm sure. He's been very antsy for snow. He wants more snowball fights like last year, which kept him very occupied. Snow is a good distraction for him, and with it being as cold as it has, we haven't been letting him go out as much. He argues with that constantly, of course, but it's just too damn cold for him to spend extended amounts of time outside for now. It's not projected to get much better for awhile now, so we have antsy, hyper, discontented Markez in the house with us a great deal of the time. That's quite a treat. We have sent him over to Amber's parents' house a few times as well as giving him over to Mikel for a few hours here and there, but we can only inflict so much of him on people. A big part of it is also his excitement for Christmas, so hopefully he'll calm down after that and give the rest of us a break.
Rafiq's been doing a little better overall, although he still has his periods of funk. He tries to hide those, but I've gotten very good at noticing the signs. There's not too much to do at those times, unfortunately, except to let him know we're here for him when he needs us. He knows that, but still, we reinforce that knowledge just to make sure. I hope he takes it to heart, and that it helps at least a little, but I suppose that's not something I can really know. Someday soon I hope that he manages to beat this thing back as far as possible so he can go back to having a mostly normal, at least in terms of how this family is ever normal, life.
Garnet's growing like a weed, which is no surprise. She's getting too big, and far too curious. Oh yes, and far too daredevilish. I suppose that's a given for anyone with Denny blood, especially when Mikel is around to set certain examples. And Markez, of course, has to add to it. With his hero worship of Mikel, it's only natural that he do everything he can to try and emulate him. I'm surprised I don't already have a head full of grey hairs.
Amber's been having a great time (sense the sarcasm) dealing with the kids' home schooling. The closer it gets to the break for public schools, the louder Markez gets about taking a break as well. They'll get one, and that will come at the end of this week, just like the public schools. Amber's probably looking forward to it quite a lot herself. It can't be easy. I don't know how she does it. I've tried to help a little, but she has a far better talent for keeping the kids focused than I do. I seriously admire her ability to do everything she does. She even remains sane through it all. See how amazing she is?
I've talked about the work situation and the family situation, so I guess there's not much more to talk about. The important things have been covered. I'm going to take a break from the computer and maybe find a snack. I hope everyone is doing well, and that you all have a happy Christmas since I'm not likely to update until after.
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[Sunday
November 30th, 2008] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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The X=Box |
] |
You'd think with as much time as I spend on the computer, I'd update more frequently, or at least earlier than the last day. Maybe someday I'll beg back in the swim of things better. It remains to be seen.
Thanksgiving and its aftermath tired me out, I think. Just watching the hyped up kids makes me want to take a nap. When it comes to energy, I can't even come close to conjuring as much as anyone who has Denny blood running through their veins. And since they insist that I get involved with things like decorating and such things, I'm feeling at least ten or twenty years older, especially since I haven't been sleeping well lately. At least I can get time off for knee pain. That also prevents anyone from trying to coax me up a ladder.
I have a new project from work that's keeping me pretty busy. I've spent hours on it for the past few days, and it should last me a good long while. I'll be getting paid extra for it, and I got a bonus for agreeing to take on the job. With Christmas coming, that's very good timing. If I finish early, I'll get another bonus, so I'm working toward that. I think it's easily within reach, and it's a great way to keep my mind focused. Working on my own time is nice to be able to do.
I think I'm going to close my eyes for awhile. I'm feeling the lack of sleep pretty strongly at the moment. Maybe I'll be able to get a good night's sleep because of it. That would be very nice.
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